feeling sleepy , yesterday slept at 130am in the midnite i'm feeling sleepy & went to bed at 9.30pm but cant sleep all the way till 11pm , den go play com till 1 am den go slp......

a dreamless sleep till 6.30am , i woke up & felt tht the cold winds blew but i feel quite fresh , well at least now i treated bala & marcus as i dunno them & they dun exist in class..... my mind feel relaxed.... but 1 thing is i going tell myself , even if the CTR script i'm doing with xian wei & marcus , i'll juz ignore marcus... like wad i sae our friendship in the past its all fake.... i juz wanna start a fresh with myself... so from today onwards till the day they accepted me back..... i'll take as they dun exist in this class.... rather den i keep such problems in my heart & make myself too stressed up.... spoiling my health only.... who knows if i keep all this in my heart i may even lose control & commit suicide? i may be alone , but i'll stand firm independently & i wont leave the world without finishing wad i want & my goals....

hope tht nichoals can make it this friday..... ytd in msn this is wad he told me " disturb disturb lor... juz ignore.... they will get along with u one day.... so while waiting... i choose to hate for this moment to calm myself & give myself PEACE...

There is 1 sentence tht marcus say & i shall juz take it as it isnt been said..... he told me tht on my bdae before the weekend he'll prepare things for me & celebrate for me... well dun need.... i'm used to it as in my life my bdae wasn't celebrated by frens before & i'm used to it.... but if my fren will to celebrate for me.... i'll surely be truely happy.... its still the same aft which.....

Anyway.... my heart is eclipse now...... i'm still thinking.... is life always unfair? if i disturb ppl provoke.... .they can crticize ppl but ppl cannot criticize them.... is this friendship? or is this double faced? Anyone can answer? i juz cant slp tonite... dunno wad is my mind thinking abt......... well juz to tell myself something..... whether will i change or not....i'll only stand by the side of true life & true happiness.... wadeva tht is fake.... like fake friendship , i'll juz give it up & take it as such friendships doesn't exist..... wads the point of me giving out wad i can & being stressed up when things happened? rite or not? so even if i'm a canged person.... i'll only believe ppl whom i trust until now.... frens like nick , yuda , jiawei all this ppl..... all my life in ite , i tot of throwing it down the sea I want to know wad is the real answer..... to like is better or to hate is better? since it is embarrase to like & like causes so many trouble... trouble tht change my mind & my life...maybe i shall choose hate.... since to hate = more peace coz if someone hate u , nobody will talk to u mah... so perhaps i shall try sunset , hate..... Well i really feel stupid for:
1. being such a two sided person;
2. being rash at times
3. doing things where ppl feel dissatisfied

this is wad i'm going to tell myself:
sweeheng.... pls be a gentleman
dun be innocent or guilty juz be urself as wad u are formerly
where are all ur attitudes towards yuda yaoming they all?
y hv u been like tht so suddenly?
if u are stress up & dunno wad u are doing..... den dun do things in ur own way....
where are all ur true kindness in the past?
how did u behave for u to get kindness award every year in class last time?
come on edward.... u are not tht kind of person
pls be back on wad u used to be last time , those days where u are formerly
u are always being a nice person in ur frens eyes
dun be imp[atient , juz be patient & wad u want will come to u
dun rush for it as u may fall when rushing
come on sweeheng u are already coming to 17 soon
u are matured & sensible
stop being a juvenile & cant tink
u must satisfy the world , the surrondings & not being guilty & / or innocent
u are human... things tht oters cant do u can do it as well....
juz refurbish urself before u are worn.....

Well...... y am i bluffing myself with my fake chracter? dun feel dissatisfied with urself.... juz be satisfied with urself & like urself... if u cant do it.... u wont be satisfied to others....
give urself a break.... u will definitely be a better person..... it takes time , pls be patient sweeheng... dun be impatient.... its nv too late to change.... if u dun change u will become someone whom u dun like it to be also....

So take a look at ur previous posts.... u will surely be back to wad u are formerly.... wad hv u done to ur frens to make them feel happy abt u.... example... being generous to yuda by wad u hv done.... u gave him ur uniform when he says his is spoilt... do the same now.... be generous & go the extra mile for ur frens.... this thing u hv done is juz 3 wks ago..... see sweeheng.... because yuda wanted ur uniform.... u can wake up at 6am & go all the way down to jurong east , ur sch & pass him ur uniform.... so y cant u do something like this now?

thts is wad my heart is telling me to type.... which is wad i feel now..... Well long time nv post.... seriously..... i really hate myself for wad i am..... i really hope tht i can change to become a better person.... the best person tht everyone like .... but i juz find it hard to do so.... anyone can help me???? really.... i hated being called names by ppl , especially ppl like bala.... but how am i going to change myself for the better so tht ppl will look at the bright side of mi & how am i going to change in order to stop letting ppl call me names? i'm asking myself... y... how....

Juz now , as i was looking at nick's blog , he said" i "nearly fougt with my frens" this reminds mi of te fight between me & marcus & everything began to changed.... seriously... even i feel tht i'm really a useless person... only noe how to find trouble & almost got into the hands of the discipline commitee... but lucky it didnt happen..... i hate ppl calling me names which i hate which i dun like it..... thts y i hate bala.... but last thursday this is wad happen: i found a place to eat nx to the lecture threatre , tht is the stairs.... den i start to disturb marcus for fun.... den aft tht he called me the name which i hated the most , upon hearing tht , i took te takeover food box & threw it on his face.... we 2 had a fight.... den ppl who noe mi well will noe when i get irritated i'm super guai lan..... aft tht we 2 didnt talk for a while.... but aft all i blamed myself for wad i've done.... i shouldnt hv whacked him & to take back wadeva i've given him.... but now... realli... everything around me changed.... i blame no one but myself for causing all this trouble..... coz i may be a hot tempered person at times..... well.... i guess marcus wont be as gd as how he treated mi before this incident.... although he is like kinda forgotten all abt it.... but nvm... its my fault..... this is wad i hate myself for... i really hope tht i can stop this from happening... and the best of all.... our firendshipo will be back to wad it is before this........... well i guess marcus wont be celebrating my bdae for mi anymore on 27 Sept.... coz of this incident.... hopefully i get to changed... although my bdae has nv got celebrated by frens / buddies before.... juz recall tht day when he sae he going t ocelebrate it for mi... i was very happy at tht time..... but for now..... i guess...... this will not happen anymore....... i juz wanna get myself changed to a better person... anyone can help me with this....? i hope so.... before i end off.... i'd like to remind my frnes whom view my blog..... i dun want u to feel as sad & miserable as wad i'm now.... so be careful of ur actions or u will lose wad u hv.... hope the day will come where everything is back to normal..... but will the day ever come.....? U noe something.... I REALLY HATE BALA ALOT!!!!!! and ppl who like bala & the same as bala type one.... provoker only... nabae.... i'll curse him like shit de..... Wad a lucky day!!!! today took 2 luxury cab..... wow!!! first aft lunch , me kelvin & marcus took merz cab from comfort!!!! wow!! long time nv take merc liao haha.. 4 yrs liao... den aft sch i took te new Hyundai Azera , high class , luxury sedan cab 3.3 , better than merc , wide & smoother , still got turbo , merc cramp sia.... azera better , better than sonata.... although sonata & azera are luxury cabs... hehe Well long time nv post le..... coz busying playing maple , nabae... play for 1 wk liao still at level 32 only.... lol... mustp ick up fast liao if not ppl sure look down me de coz ppl of the higher level comfirm will look down on the lower ones..

den yesterday when playing maple i cant imagine this thing will ever happen to me , the thing is tht my tht bloody marcus go & insult my family in maple.... call me underpants i still ok but dun call it everywhere la.... den som,emore to tell everyone tht is my family tradition.... wtf.... i really feel like giving him a punch on his face.... really feel like hating hjim but dunno y i juz cant hate him..... well maybe its all faded... but nvm if he continue like tht , i'll sure put everything aside & hate him throughout , coz since like him , treat him as my bro he keep on provoking my family , so might as well hate him to stop all thsi nonsense coz i know he wont stop de if he knows i nv hate him... if i hate him liao he dare to say tht i sure whack him like wad de... dun believe juz wait & see , sure this will happen 1 day. but i really hope for this day. aft hating him , i'll return wadever he gave me & take back wadeva i've given him........ Wad to do.... nth stops me from being his "bro" everytime want to hate him but cant hate dunno y. Today woke up as usual at 6am , aft tht left home at 640 to go to shuqun there to pass my uniform to yuda as he needed it coz his uniform was spoilt need mine , so nvm lor , coz i no longer studying in sqss liao mah , juz be generous & give him lor , aft all 4 yrs of freindship / brotherhood liao mah... aft tht went home play maple for a while , den take a rest den go bring my bro home frm sch den buy lunch at cck mrt there. Well since is yuda's bdae today , let me wish him a happy bdae & stay happy & cool forever. all the best. Cheer:D Today actually thought of having breakfast with marcus , but den he sms me sae he no $$$ for breakfast so i cooked noodles athome den when to arcade at jurong point to play battle gear 4 , 1st time drive Mazda RX8 manual , 2nd time drive Suzuki Swift Manual , this time going for smaller cars coz i always drive cars which are 2000cc (luxury sedans) like Honda Accord (A) , aft tht took 198 to marcus hse , at his hse i rested & watch him playing maple , he even thought me how to play maple , thx bro.... at least i learn abit how to play , hehe.... but my patience isnt there.

Aft tht , bala called us for our stupid OSA project , nabae.... always project project project , i'm bored bored bored , bored to death soon.... before tht i & marcus went to esso petrol station to pump air for his bike.

Aft tht 430 i & marcus went home , i accompanied him back home , den he wanna go buy porridge so i rode his bike back to his hse downstairs... this time rode slower coz my bag la , keep swerving here & there got bag i cant ride or difficult to ride la. 1) At what age do you wish to marry

should be about 22 - 25 , depends

2) What i want the most now.

Do well in my studies. PSP and mountain / BMX Bike

3) Who is the person who i trust the most.

Myself , my family , my "bros" & anyone who can be trusted

4) Do you think you have enough confidence?

Sometimes only

5) If you have a dream to come true , what will it be?

Have a healthy life , be a boss , be rich & Toyota Camry / Mark X

6) Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?

At times. Seen it once or twice only.

7) What are you afraid to lose the most now.

Life , health , my family & my "bros"

8) Do you belive in eternity love

Not really

9) If you meet someone that you love , will you confess to her?

Maybe , if i find her trustworthy & honest.

10) List 3 good points of a person who tagged you

Caring , my best frens & bros , cute. (Actually is more then this de. haha)

11) what are the requirements that you wish from your the other half?

To have her & treat her with care. There is no need for this if i love her & she loves me.

12) What type of person do you hate the most.

Hypocrites , backstabbers & betrayers.

13) Do you cherish every single friendship of yours.

Of course. Unless they do something that hurt or offend me & unless they dun trasure mi as a friend.

14) Do you belive in god.

Yes

15) What do you think is the most important thing in your life.

My health , my family , my loved ones & my "bros" & $$$

16) Do you find it a need for you to have a girlfriend?

Yes. But not at this moment when i'm studying.

17) At this point of time would you rather stay in your comfort zone or try something new.

Depends , if the "something new" is what i find it good then i'll say yes.

18) what kind of friend do you hope to be in your friends' eyes?

Friendly , kind , caring , helpful & humble.

19) Is family or girlfriend more important to you.

Both coz girlfriend might be my family one day mah.

20) What would you do when you're feeling down.

Stay alone & cool down , encourage myself , talk to my friends / family about my problem. Today went for my bro's sports day. lol. i left home at 1145 like tht , wanna take a cab down , as i was abt to cross the road one comfort cab , SHA1782U , Toyota Crown was moving slowly to look for commuter ut i was still crossing the road , aft tht he saw mi so he u turn to pick me up , everything went on well until the Bt Batok Road there , aft my cab turned to Bt Batok Rd from Choa Chu Kang Way (Teck Whye LRT) there , it overtook a silvercab Skoda Superb , den i heard a some coming from the back axle of my cab , the driver heard it too , den tht silvercab Skoda honk at my cab & pointed to the back axle to my driver , my driver stopped on the road side at the bus stop at Bt batok rd , the new fire station there , opened the door & check , the back tyre on the right has punctured!!! den he off the meter & ask me no to pay , so i alighted den thought of waiting for another cab , but all hired , den 187 come so take lor... aft all i saved $$$ today. haha. After this 3 wks holiday , a refurbished sweeheng will be on the roads , haha.... wef. 14 April 08 , i'm going to be a person who will:
- Learn to talk softer
-Learn to save $$$ for wad i want (PSP & Jacket & Bike , hope to get it very much)
- to be serious
- Sensible
- More open minded
- Humble

Todday met marcus outside cpf at 930 , den we went for breakfast with his dad , lol , aft tht we spent our time together while companying him to work , aft tht took 97 to alexandra rd the psa building there , we sat at the bus stop for 15 mins or so before walking down to furniture hse pasir panjang... we really enjoy there coz marcus beaved like a small boy like tht... so cute & humourous of him... anyway he xiao di di mah at home thts y he behave like one...... i kept on laughing non stop.... wad a day...