arrrghhh!!! i'm going nuts!!! i dun feel belonging to this home anymore!!!!! i've gt a selfish father who talks bad abt his family , doesnt pay home & hv no ability to support the family... it all depends on my mum to do it.... which is driving my mum to depression... thks to him , nw my mum is like a crazy woman.... everyday gt to stress abt $$$ issue , den aft which she will voice her prob to me whereby aft i listen to her & giv her solutions , she will start nagging at me for no typiical reason... wad a hypocrite..... this is nt a place to be called home & neither its a home which i wanted... its nt tht i dun wanna help as i'm worried abt my financial issue as well , i still gt alot of things to pursue , my studies ( till uni) , my class 4 & 5 driving license , my vocational license , my future & many other things tht has gt to do with $$$... they juz dun care abt my feeling& my situation nw...sstill wanna sae they love me , sacrifies for me... wad a joke.... i'm really lost nw... seriously... i'm going to suffer from depression & going crazy soon shld i continue staying in this hse.... cos of this i'm feeling very depressed & hav been losing slp these day.......

i'll become like this its cos of my father..... so shld i leave this hse or return the car keys to him... its all his fault..... he is the major cause of all these..... soon... when i gt a stable income... i'll nt stay in this hse any longer.. i seriously do hope tht time will change everything for me....

time flies... juz hope to get enlisted & finish the sickening NS fast & continue my studies & to get rid of all these probs... Shld i juz end my life so tht everything will be solved??

Before i end my post i'd like to thk some of my family members & my frens for showing me their concern towards me... i thk u all for tht... arigatoh sian..... my life is like getting more & more boring , dunno wad am i thinking of lately.... maybe i'm starting to look back? i juz dunno y , i kept on having an unstable mind , keep on thinking of many many things..... actually my wish nw its juz to continue my studies , i juz wanna study up to uni , but i dunno can i or nt , or whether the god will give me a chance to let me study till uni or nt... my wish nw is to retake my o lvls & get in to Ngee Ann Poly.... which is my wish & my dreams for very long le... since my sec sch days.... all because i dun work hard in my N lvls which was why i ended up in this state , if i'd hv put in a little bit more effort in my N lvls.... I'd hv ended up in Ngee Ann nw... cos i missd sec 5 by 1 point.... tht was sad.... so nw.. I'd like to ask the god: Will i ever fulfill my wishes to go further in my studies? U know.... i really admire ppl who juz gt their driving license & manage to own a car.... especially ppl whose parents bought a car for them... for me... its a big no.... although my mum loves me... but i knew she will nv get me a car.... neither does my dad.... u know hw the feeling is to hv a license but u cant drive? Isn't it like a waste? Seriously , i like driving , somemore i also like Audi A4... but dun talk abt A4 1st , cos to own tht takes i think another 10yrs? ( aft i become a boss)... but juz a cheap & simple Chery QQ will do.... juz nw saw 1 normal plate de at $20k + , monthly instalment is at around $275? Quite affordable leh.... i really wish to get my own car..... i dun mind to share it with frens... cos aft all... by sharing with fren... the car is still 1/2 mine 1/2 fren de mah.... 1st of all... I'd like to thk everyone for wishing me Happy Bdae ytd... i really appreciated it alot... nw i'm a yr older le... means to sae , time is really flying like bullets...

Ytd can sae overall enjoyed , cos went to Party World KTV.... sang from 3 pm - around 7pm...

Can sae tht our human life is heaven's will.. whether or nt we will hv gd life its all up to the god.... there is nth we can do... ytd although i was happy.... i've also heard experiences of sad life , can sae tht life can be torturing at times , it might also be very tough & difficult to overcome it but still , we hv to face it in life as some ppl are born with wealth & happiness , but some are nt... thts the thing....

For me... i think i going to start saving $$$ le.... next yr when i go NS , i feel like pursuing Part - time diploma in law & aft which i tot of pursuing my interest of logistics diploma... before setting up my own company.... high chance tht i'll go be a lawyer for 2 yrs or so... den also work as a part time driver , so as to earn income for myself... as i believe everyone knows hw much does a lawyer earns....

Currently , i feel like saving $$$ to buy a car too... but i know i dun come frm a rich family & my life wasnt gd either... but i'm fine with it de as i'm already used to...

Labels: 天意人心

Time flies... end of 2010 is coming to an end soon... hv been very emo & losing slp these few days.... was looking back over the yrs where i'm still in sch enjoying sch life... but its all the pasts..... nth can be done nw.... hw i wish i could turn back the time.... but i know its impossible.... juz dunno y i suddenly hv flashback of my sch days?? Am i missing sch?? i guess so... missing sch & sch life... but there is nth i could do nw... its all because i played too much which is y i'm feeling very miserable.... i used to be a prob starter at times.... although i may be contented in something... but there are MORE things which i'm really being uncontented!! I juz dun get wadeva i wanted or hoped for.... sometimes really feel tht my life is meaningless & nth or no one including myself can cheer me up..... am i getting too depressed? well.... nw its aug le.... actually nth to do so came here to blog.... though i dun feel like blogging anyway.... next yr think shld get enlisted to NS... i wonder wad my pes is? I wanna re-take my o lvls so tht aft i come out of NS i can go to uni... but i heard must be in top 5% den can... quite stressful actually , so erm.... think i shld do logistics ( International business) as my interest is transport line.... which is nth but buses buses & buses.... lol.... as my dream / hope for the future is to be a businessman dealing in transport services.... well.... i'll work for it de.... haizz.... cant slp tonight again , to think of my driving test ytd , i was kind of disappointed in it , maybe i'm nt lucky enough or nt fated to pass ytd? I gt 72 points , no one hv ever think tot of it right? I strike kerb 6 times as i was damn bloody scared & nervous at tht time & somemore , to see tht examiner's face , make me MORE SCARED & NERVOUS!!! although he is humble enough , but i could hardly see a smile from his face , he is like giving ppl tht kind of serious look , lol , went to bbdc upteen times & saw those examiners there seems to be more cheerful & friendly there , bbdc one better lor , at least they dun make ppl too nervous or scared during the test , well , my next test is on 5 aug... think i better look at my mistakes & try to practice more & EVEN NOT TO commit the same mistakes be in during practice or test , from my next lesson from this thursday , i'll FORCE myself to be the best driver who can pass the test next time & treat every lesson as a test , so tht AT LEAST i get to learn nt only the techniques of interacting with a car but ALSO to calm my nervousness down to the least minimum... i shall try my very best to do tht... tht is nt to make anymore mistakes.....